5 Strategies to Overcome the Comparison Trap and Embrace Your Unique Journey
“Comparison is the thief of joy.” This poetic quote, attributed to Theodore Roosevelt, contains an intuitive truth we all know. It hurts to compare ourselves to others. Yet, we almost all do it. Why?
When we compare ourselves to others, we are allowing them to drive our behavior.
Comparison can be motivating, pushing us to match a peer’s success in the agility ring or following someone’s example in overcoming a challenge with their dog’s weave or start line.
But it can also be ugly. Instead, you might be overcome with envy, guilt, self-doubt or even despair. For example, a friend might have the seemingly perfect puppy and you’re struggling with off-lead recalls, aggressive behavior, and no retrieve at all! Or perhaps another friend is getting lots of attention on her social media posts and you’re not, leaving you feeling left-out and fill of self-doubt about why your posts are being ignored. Maybe you didn’t get the working spot you really wanted in an upcoming seminar. You start to question what have you done? Why me? Did I do something wrong? Am I not good enough? Suddenly you’re down the rabbit hole of self-doubt and stuck.
There’s a myriad of reasons why you might compare. If you find yourself engaging in these kinds of comparisons and they leave you feeling inferior, perhaps even lonely, as a result, then you’ve reached an unhealthy place.
“You can be anything, but you can’t be everything”. Read it again. Let it sink in.
When we compare ourselves to others, we’re often comparing their best features and attributes against our average ones. Don’t compare your behind-the-scenes with someone else’s highlight reel.
There is only one thing you’re better at than anyone else, and that’s being you. This is the only game you should want to win. Being a better version of yourself, being better than you were yesterday. There will always be someone with a better dog, someone who is a better trainer, and someone more successful. What you need to know is the unique value you bring to the table. Whenever you focus on what you don’t have, you give away your power.
To recap, here are the top 5 reasons you should stop comparing yourself to others:
Comparison is the thief of joy. It just brings you misery and pain.
Comparison will stall your progress. It just wastes time – put that energy into pursuing your own dreams and goals.
You can’t physically change who you are.
There will never be anyone exactly like you. You were given special gifts and talents to share with the world, and even though everybody has special gifts and talents, nobody will use theirs quite the same way you do.
– Jen Sincero
No one has a perfect life. No one is exempt from problems and challenges. Some people are just better at keeping it together (on the outside at least). Just remember, you probably don’t know half of what goes on behind the scenes and what they are dealing with.
There will always be someone better than you at something. Harsh, but true. And the sooner we accept this, the happier we will be. We can’t always win at everything. But what we can do is be prepared to win, by working hard and trying our very best. And when the time is right, whatever is meant to be will fall into place.
Here are my 5 favorite strategies to stop the comparison trap and embrace your own journey:
1. Water your own lawn.
When we focus on what everyone else is doing, we lose precious time that could have been better spent working on our own path. Instead of being green with envy at the lovely green grass next door, nurture your own. Don’t assume everyone else is doing better or is better than you. They may be coveting what you have!
2. Step away from social media.
Take a good honest look at what motivates and inspires you on social media, versus what triggers feelings of self-doubt and inadequacy. Do a detox and put yourself back in the driver’s seat.
Consider limiting your time on social media to say 30 minutes a day, or only check posts via notifications.
Reflect on how you interact with social media. Research has shown that passive social media use (where you lurk but don’t engage by commenting or liking) is more harmful than active use because it removes the social element of it. Try actively engaging and connecting with people.
3. Get inspired! Embrace the competition! Be motivated to improve what matters!
Usually, when you compare yourself to other people, the result is that you feel bad about yourself. But what if you could use comparison to inspire you? Embrace the people you envy as allies rather than threats. By avoiding people that trigger self-comparison, you potentially miss out on how those successful people can help you. Change the narrative. Think about what you can learn from them. Reach out.
Action Step: Reflect on the following questions:
- Who is someone you often compare yourself to?
- What is it about them that you admire? What are they especially good at?
- Can you internally appreciate them for their unique abilities?
- What does it feel like to appreciate the part of them that you usually envy?
- Can you imagine channeling their abilities into yourself?
- If they are an incredible handler or trainer, can you let their skills inspire you next time you are out training or competing?
4. Know this isn’t the end of the story.
If you’re not happy with where you are today, remember that this is just a snapshot of your life. Where you are today doesn’t say anything about where you’ll be next month, six months, a year, or three years from now.
Accept where you are today and be at peace with it. Make decisions that will move you in the right direction.
What matters isn’t where you are right now. What matters is your mindset, attitude, and where you’re going.
5. Be grateful for what you have.
Oprah said, “Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.”
It is almost impossible to experience negative emotions when we are thankful for what we have. To stop comparing yourself to others, consider starting a gratitude journal. Take a few moments (preferably at the beginning of the day) to write down all the things you’re thankful for. Or pop a post-it note reminder up in the bathroom to trigger you to take a minute to be grateful.
I can guarantee you’ll find post-it notes all over my house in various places that remind me to be grateful and intentional in my work and training; motivational quotes that inspire me, and my priorities written in front of me, so I don’t get distracted.
Another fun idea that can involve the whole family is to create a gratitude jar. Find a jar, decorate it, and every day think of at least three things you’re grateful for. Write each down on a slip of paper and insert them into the jar. Soon, you’ll have a whole host of reasons to be grateful. When you find yourself slipping into those feelings of self-doubt, read a few notes from the jar to remind yourself about the positive things in your life. I think this is a super idea when you’re working through a challenge with a dog as it’s easy to get frustrated and lose sight of all the wonderful qualities and skills your dog has.
Your journey is not the same as mine, and my journey, is not yours. But if you meet me on a certain path, may we encourage each other.
-Unknown
About the Author
Karen Morrison is a New Zealand Agility Champion and Jumpers Grand Champion. Owner of Karen Morrison Agility, Professional agility coach and seminar presenter throughout New Zealand. Karen loves working with individuals to help them achieve the skills, mindset and confidence so they can keep moving up and doing the thing they love most with their canine partner. She can create a custom program designed for your unique needs and goals, with a focus on supporting you to develop the confidence and skills you need to be successful. Check out her website for more information Karen Morrison Agility
References:
Read more at: https://www.scienceofpeople.com/stop-comparing-yourself/
Read more at: 13 Things to Do Instead of Comparing Yourself to Others (tinybuddha.com)
